Attention USTA: This is why I don’t watch Tennis!

Women's Tennisphoto credit: Not enough megapixels via photopin cc

I was reading as my wife was changing the TV channels looking for something to watch. I wasn’t paying attention, but I noticed I was getting … annoyed!

It was at first imperceptible, as all subconscious responses are, then I became aware of the issue.

My ears were being raped by the horrific screeching diatribes of two women seemingly  competing with each other not only for attention, but also to gain some type of psychic advantage over the other.

Arggghhhii! Cries one.

Aaayyyaaahheeee!!! Moans the other

Arggghhhii! <sound of ball bouncing> Aaayyyaaahheeee!!! <sound of ball bouncing> Arggghhhii! <sound of ball bouncing>Aaayyyaaahheeee!!! <sound of ball bouncing> Arggghhhii! <sound of ball bouncing> Aaayyyaaahheeee!!! <sound of ball bouncing> Arggghhhii! <sound of ball bouncing> Aaayyyaaahheeee!!!

Clap, clap, clap goes the crowd.

On and on and on …

I felt like I was being held hostage. True, my wife had the TV remote and had stopped on the channel for some reason, and that might have had something to do with it, but I was feeling captive and wanted to escape. That’s when all I could think about was:

What about the people in the stands?

How could they sit there and let these screaming sirens terrorize them like this for hours on end?

I like tennis!

I played as a youth, and I like playing it on the wii.

It’s a great game, but I can’t watch it for the screaming and moaning. It drives me $*#&O@^% NUTS!!!

NFL has a showboating rule for some unknown reason. The games take 6 hours anyway, what’s 1 minute more? A penalty, that’s what it is, and all it is is dancing and celebrating in the end zone. When soccer players score, they run to the edge of the field and either slide or flip and their entire team runs over to them and dogpiles. It takes a minute or two, but it’s engaging to the fans. It’s a hooray, or boo thing. Not torture.

Being in the stadium at a tennis match seems too much like a penalty to me.

Do you like to watch tennis?

If you like to watch tennis on TV or up close and personal, let me know. Tell me why you like it and what’s appealing to you about the sport. I can see many reasons why it would be a lot of fun to watch, but the screaming ruins it for me. What’s your take?

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  1. Love this article — this has been a pet peeve of mine for a long time and you captured it with great humor. There is another aspect that is a major reason the screech should be outlawed. It is grotesquely unfair to a non-screeching opponent if the match includes one of each. There’s no way it doesn’t affect concentration and, eventually, raw nerves.

    Good shot!

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